The 5 Dumbest Additions to Texas’ Banned Books List

The free speech advocacy organization PEN America has released its annual Banned Books Index, and the nearly 160 pages needed to list every book barred from Texas classrooms this school year make it pretty obvious that book censorship in the Lone Star State is in its heyday. 

Banning 1,781 books in the 2024-2025 school year, Texas was beaten out by only Florida as the most prolific book-banning state. 

“Never before in the life of any living American have so many books been systematically removed from school libraries across the country. Never before have so many states passed laws or regulations to facilitate the banning of books, including bans on specific titles statewide,” the PEN report says.

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess claimed the title of the country’s most banned book, and authors Stephen King and Sarah J. Maas, both of whom tout a vast collection of novels, were the most challenged writers overall. There is something to be said for the fact that middle schoolers probably shouldn’t be reading Maas’ A Court of Thorns and Roses series that TikTok shot to superstardom a few years ago, even if their algorithms convince them otherwise. But maybe the decision not to put faerie smut — sorry, romantasy novels — can be left to local librarians rather than school boards bringing down their over-zealous hammer. 

With the number of books being banned by Texas school districts, we were sure a stupid choice or two would be on the list. And boy, were we right. 

The Digestive and Urinary Systems by Joseph Midthun 

Admittedly, with over a thousand books on Texas’ banned list, we haven’t read them all. We hadn’t heard of Mr. Midthun’s beginner science series, for instance, before his book’s perfectly mundane title caught our attention. 

Midthun has published a series of graphic nonfiction books that guide the reader through the various parts of the body, teaching about our organs and how they interact with one another to form a broader system. We wondered what was included in the book, other than some expertly drawn diagrams of what a liver looks like, that would have caused such strife with parents to land the story on a banned book list.

Then we saw that Midthun’s books, The Endocrine and Reproductive Systems and Cells to Organs Systems, are also on the list. You see, to advocate for one’s body, it’s helpful to know how the body works, and the connection between groups like Moms For Liberty that advocate for removing the choices of young readers and conservative leaders eroding the bodily autonomy of Americans is a straight line. 

Caitlyn Jenner by Carla Mooney 

This 2016 biography is part of the “Transgender Pioneers” series, and emphasizes the way Jenner’s celebrity helped elevate conversations surrounding trans identity and rights after she came out.

Ironically, one decade after coming out, Jenner is one of the most controversial leaders of the conservative LGBTQ+ community, regularly advocating for the same types of policies that landed an admiring story about herself on Texas’ banned book list. At the time she came out, Jenner claimed to have experienced gender dysphoria since her childhood. President Donald Trump, whom Jenner regularly endorses, has used executive orders to liken gender dysphoria to  “identity-based confusion” that needs to be “improved.” 

Even still, Jenner has supported measures like banning transgender women from sports. Not very pioneering of her. 

Hockey Girl Loves Drama Boy by Faith Erin Hicks 

It seems the young adult graphic novel genre will never go out of style. Permitted, we don’t ban them all, that is. 

Hockey Girl Loves Drama Boy is one of the more contemporary contributions to the banned books list, needing only two years in publication to be barred from Texas schools. Our understanding of the book is that a female hockey player turns to a boy from her school’s drama club for anger management lessons. The synopsis, primarily about how hockey player Alix needs Ezra to help teach her not to get into fist fights, ends with the phrase “maybe this friendship could become something more….,” so it seems safe to assume they kiss, god forbid. 

Back in my day, the kids were reading Twilight: Breaking Dawn Parts 1 and 2 instead of paying attention to math class and no one batted an eye, but I digress. 

It’s not entirely clear why Hockey Girl Loves Drama Boy ended up on the banned list for several Texas districts, but we did find one blog that listed trigger warnings for light mentions of bullying, homophobia, and one scene that depicts domestic violence as harmful and bad. We reiterate, god forbid. 

Middle School’s a Drag, You Better Werk! By Greg Howard 

Disproportionately, book bans have been used to censor stories that include LGBTQ+ narratives. Earlier this year, PEN America found that one in every four books banned includes a queer character or characters, and that number grows larger the younger the intended audience of a book genre is. While picture books make up only around 2% of all banned books, for instance, 64% of picture books ruled unfit for schools have LGBTQ+ characters or stories.

With that in mind, it feels as though Mr. Howard’s book was written just to be banned. That doesn’t make the concept any less hilarious. 

Middle School’s a Drag follows a precocious 12-year-old entrepreneur who launches a child-star talent agency at the behest of “kid drag queen Coco Caliente, Mistress of Madness and Mayhem.” The chapter book follows talent manager Mikey as he develops an entire roster of stars, trying to get at least one of them a middle school talent show win. Hysterical. 

The reason we say this book was ripe for banning is that the synopsis implies that our leading man learns by the end of the book that it’s okay to be gay. Not on our watch!

In the Houses of the Holy: Led Zeppelin and the Power of Rock Music by Susan Fast

If we can’t teach the kids about Led Zeppelin, what can we teach them about? 

This is a full-blown regression, people. Back in the ‘50s and ‘60s, suburban mamas galore panicked at the thought of rock and roll music driving their child into delinquency and Satan’s grasp. Apparently, we’re back there again. 

Everyone, calm your morale panic. “Stairway to Heaven” can’t hurt you or your child. But depriving them of good guitar? Now that’s a harmful agenda.